I dont normally dream.

I don’t normally dream.

at least I don’t normally remember my dreams. But this dream was so vivid to me. They say that dreams are meant to be your subconscious telling you what you really want. And yeah it’s what I want. But in the foreseeable future… Highly unlikely that it’s going to happen.

So in this dream. well, it involved a guy whom I never met in real life before and a couple of people I know in real and a couple of people I used to know.

side note - they say the faces that people have you’ve seen throughout your life whether it be in passing or someone in a magazine stays in your brain. so that when ever you dream it is a face whom you’ve seen before. not necessarily someone whom you actually know.

okay well in this dream…

i was in a relationship. (what’s new?) and it must have been serious because I was living with them. let’s call this person Cole. But we also had roommates. it was a huge house. It had a pool a huge kitchen. and open living space. I mean I guess we were all very well off.

somehow we were planning for a party.. or some sort of another event. wedding maybe?

I remember seeing a whiteboard with plans. but I was planning it with one of my friends. so assuming I was an event planner in this scenario and then I remember seeing Cole being so excited and happy to see me after a day of work. I think he was in the entertainment industry… like a model/actor or some sort of producer I dunno maybe even an athlete.

I was able to work from home so he would just watch me work and have a smirk on his face.

. and I was at ease with the fact that He enjoyed watching me work when he would be home early like was just happy that he was around even though I was busy. like he had given me butterflies just by sitting there doing his own thing. I was content with the fact that we could be in the same room doing our own separate things and then suddenly I would feel a hand on my shoulder or on my thigh or even reaching for one of my hands… and then be calm from it not realizing how anxious I was getting. but I would look at him and his face looked as if it was a normal thing. like it was something magnetic like he knew before even looking at me.

o, remember being in the pool with our roommates playing. Actually having a play fight with water guns and the pool floaties. random but I felt good about it.

so amidst of planning the party, I was in our room looking over paperwork. I remember seeing Cole flop into bed. submerged in the comforter. taking a nap. somehow I knew that he had a long day. so I was just going to leave him alone. I was quietly trying to exit when I feel arms at my waist and me flopping into bed. and then him on top of me smiling squeezing me, tight nuzzling into my neck.

“bed together forever?” is what I heard. and I couldn’t help but laugh and nod as a reply.

and that’s when I wake up.

this has been on my mind all day. like I don’t know. Happiness?

Ultimately I know that’s what I want. In real life. the easy kind of love. the respectful kind of love. No matter who that person may be.. the kind of faithful love that you don’t need to feel insecure about. An open connection with easy communication. to be able to be goofy and comfortable to not worry about what the other person thinks because you know that they love you for being weird and goofy. but then also be independent and live separate lives and be able to share experiences and be proud of each other. that there is no need to hide and pretend to be something or someone that you arent and they are acceptive of the human you are. because I know I would be accepting of them in the same way.

Not needing to feel like you need to be fixed or vice versa to not be a project to be worked on. but to be able to adapt learn and grow together.

I am rambling now. . that kind of love I feel is so difficult to find.

forever a hopeless romantic.