Compartmentalization and Disassociation

I find myself as I have gotten older that it comes easier to pack things away into a little box

my space not so much but more so in my mind. when it comes to feelings and emotions most definitely.

I have been known to be a happy and “bright” person as well. always smiling and laughing. but that is on the outside I am smiling because I was told not to show true emotions. not to cry when frustrated. Not to be mad because it wasn’t worth it. not to be scared because it will make me seem to others that i am weak.

there is a saying laughing to keep from crying.

well, I laugh all the time because the things on my mind are so simple yet so ridiculous

I imagine myself going on adventures seeing the world. Showing my art. performing…

And then I suddenly realize what I am doing. Stocking a shelf at your fake-ish-friendly local grocery store.

this is probably where I learned to enhance my compartmentalization.

sometimes I find myself staring off into space a little more so. when I am driving. when I am waiting in line somewhere. I don’t realize what im doing unless I see a stoplight. or when I can feel someone waiting or staring at me. Numb until someone sees me.

just a food for thought.